Happy birthday

to my 8 year old Punk! I tried several times to upload an old video of her singing but it never did work... oh well...

a picture will do... from 2007

January

is Shep and Ella's birthday month. We celebrated Shep's birthday with a low key family party. I thought he would devour the cake but he actually had nothing to do with it. The look on his face here says it all...

Tomorrow is Ella's birthday and she is taking cupcakes to class for the first time ever! She is so thrilled.

This fog...

seems to be lifting from me. Here is the jist of it...

It took a long time to even realize I was in it. Looking back, I know that it started when I was pregnant with Shep. I just didn't seem myself. Tired... very tired. But I passed it off as being pregnant. And that pregnancy seemed to last forever. I enjoyed it, yes. But it was so tiring. Then after Shep was born, I noticed that I was a little less joyous than I should be. I cried a lot. I missed my mom terribly. I looked around at everyone that had their moms helping them with their little ones and it made me angry. So, I was happy to have my sweet new baby, but was sad, mad and angry on the inside. I passed this off too. I must be having a little post partum. And soon, I got over most of those feelings. But the tiredness would not leave me. It took all I had some days just to get through my normal routine. I lived for the moments when Shep was asleep so that I could rest as well. Any homeschooling I was doing would be workbooks and Ella reading out loud or silently. This too I passed off as me having so much going on or maybe it was just that I was getting older. So, I trudged on. Fall comes and then Christmas season. Scott gets sick and I have to take care of him. No big deal, right? Well... it was such a big deal. I think this is what catapulted it all. He had been struggling with chronic sinus infections and after getting an antibiotic from his ENT, he develops an allergic reaction about a week into the prescription. Now, I'm not talking about a little allergic reaction. This one had joint pains, flu like symptoms, 104 degree fever (umm... yeah), rash... you name it. I was so stressed out b/c we weren't sure what was causing the reaction. The doctor told us to continue the medicine and he did continue for one more day and that was it. It was such a scary time. I have never seen my husband so sick. Immediately after him getting better, I get sick. I almost fainted in church so I thought maybe my blood pressure was the culprit. I had it checked at Urgent Care and it was normal but my heart rate was 122. The wait was forever, so I decided to go home and rest. I didn't get better so 2 days later, I went back to Urgent Care and was diagnosed with a virus. Heart rate was 125 that day. They did bloodwork, and EKG, chest xray, and urinalysis. Was told to drink Gatorade and my heart rate should come down. The following day, they called and said my TSH was low. Do huh? What is TSH? Thyroid Stimulating Hormone. Ah. Now we are getting somewhere. That Thursday, I had an ultrasound and then followed up with my primary care physician. They were sure that I had some form of hyperthyroidism and order yet more testing. Keep in mind... I got sick at church on Sunday, had a RESTING heart rate in the 120s and this was Thursday... let's just say your heart rate is in the 120s while jogging. So, inside, I had been jogging for days!!!!

My PCP gave me beta blockers right away to lower my heart rate and I could tell a difference within a few hours. I was so relieved. My other symptoms, however, were still there. Hand tremors, hot flashes, nervousness, forgetfulness. I will spare you some of the details of dealing with some of those symptoms.

I had an appointment with the endocrinologist and also a nuclear uptake scan (sounds scary, huh) done last week and went this week to have all of the pieces of the puzzle put together and figure out what is going on. After dealing with this for almost 2 years, and most dangerously this past month, I finally have a diagnosis. Graves disease. It's a hereditary condition in my family. Because I don't have my mom here to advise me, I probably went longer with all of this going on that I should have. But that's ok... I'm so thankful to have a diagnosis and to know that I'm not losing my mind. Seriously. Just ask my family. They have had to deal with this more than you realize. And I do have to praise God for giving me such a compassionate and caring husband. He has truly been supportive in all of this. I love him! Oh... I am on medicine and hope to have everything regulated within 4-6 weeks!

So... with all of that said, I now know why I've been feeling like I've been in a fog for so long. I really WAS in a fog! My prayer is that God will restore my day to day joy that is so often taken for granted and that I will each day rest in His mercies. Because His mercies truly are new every morning.