Friday, February 25, 2011

Whew

To say that it's been a crazy week would be an understatement. It's literally been a horrible week and I'm just going to be honest. I seriously thought I was going crazy. Oh, how gracious God is to me... I know I say it over and over but His mercies really are new every morning and I'm really feeling that blessing today. You can get a quick history lesson here on my bout with Graves disease. I started meds in January and was feeling better really soon after that. Almost back to my old self. Then came last week. Last Wednesday night, really. I even remember telling Genea at church that I was not feeling well that maybe I should NOT have had any caffeine. (Sweet tea is such a weakness). I couldn't put my finger on it, but I just didn't feel quite right. I go into Thursday feeling the same way and each day seems to get worse. I should be feeling better but I feel like I'm getting to that "fog" again. Though this time, it's different. I describe it as this... I went from a fog, to clear skies, to a funk. And boy oh boy, a bad funk. I went through the weekend feeling this way and just being "here in body" but that's about it. It's that going through the motions kind of feeling. I knew I would be labbing (that's what others call bloodwork) on Tuesday and I'd just talk to the tech guy then. So, Tuesday comes (I'm leaving out a lot of details for your sake... ;)). I drop E off at school and head to take my labs. I told the guy all about how I was feeling... I even wrote this down since I'm keeping a journal of the ups and downs:

-- For a few weeks, great energy and an almost normal feeling. More tired in the pm. Expected though. Heart rate began in the 90s (on Atenolol and no ATDs) but now is in 50s sitting and standing resting is in 60s.
--Since Thurs. Feb. 17
--tired, melancholy, very near panic attack, a bit more cool than others
--Tuesday - neck pain that went down to shoulder blade. Pinched nerve feeling.
--Wednesday - pinched nerve feeling on shoulder blade.

I got a call from the DOCTOR (yes, how about that. I leave a msg for the phone nurse and the doctor calls back. Nice.) and he says he has some of my labs back. Most importantly, my T4. It is now in midrange and I can lower my Meth dosage. (No, not that kinda meth, lol). And wean myself off of the beta blocker, Atenolol. More than likely, since my levels adjusted so nicely so quickly, I was swinging the other way... towards hypothyroidism. No big deal, right? Wrong. Medically induced hypothyroidism can wreak havoc on you and this is what was happening. I was overmedicated basically and my levels swung the other way very quickly and just kept getting lower and lower. Well, naturally lowering my dosage is something that would not be felt right away so some symptoms would and will continue until my levels get back to where they need to be. With that said, even though I changed my meds on Wednesday, I had my worst day EVER yesterday. Scott took E to school and I was already having a bout with anxiety. What if this really isn't my thyroid? What if the doctors don't know what they are talking about? You think of a negative thought, and I had it. Up until yesterday, I had been able to control it. I say I. I give God complete glory for carrying me through all of this. Really. He is my strength. So, I remember thinking these negative thoughts and then I see Shep pick up what I believe to be a cheerio crumb and put it to his mouth. That's all it took for me to absolutely lose it. I went into hysterics. Over a cheerio crumb. I called Scott crying and carrying on and he immediately came back home. I called my aunt who has Graves and she tried to calm me down as well. By this time, Scott gets back home and I'm not better. Keep in mind, I called him when he was on Dozier Rd. close to the school... a good 25 minutes away from home. I'm no better when he gets back home. I couldn't be still. He grabs my shoulders to calm me down and has this serious look on his face and says, "Da, why is your nose bleeding?" Oh my goodness. Could it get any worse? If I remember correctly, I try to run but am in such a panic that I just jump around like a crazy person. I'll spare all the rest of the details but I finally calm down after I don't know how long. It was by far the most hysterical (not in a funny way) that I have ever been. All because of my THYROID!!!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, I never ever ever would have known I would be like this. I am SO thankful though that I listened to my body and I urged the doctor to look at my labs right away b/c I knew that something wasn't right but I just couldn't figure it out. I knew I didn't feel like I once did when I was hypER but I certainly didn't know overmedicated me would push me to hyPO hell either. After the panic attack, I felt a great bit better, honestly. Scott stayed with me the rest of the day to monitor me and I really can't complain right now. I still have the pinched nerve feelings but that should go away in a week or so. Says the doctor, anyway.

I say all of this not because I want anybody to feel sorry for me but I do want people to understand what's going on inside of little ole me, ;). And I want to offer hope for anyone going through anxiety or anything close. Prayer with my husband during this yesterday was more calming than any anxiety medicine that I could have given myself. The Great Physician is who we should run to in times like these. I pray you will as you face storms of life. He will give you peace that passes all understanding. I promise. Cling to Him.



Philippians 4:6 (English Standard Version)
6(A) do not be anxious about anything,(B) but in everything by prayer and supplication(C) with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

So....
with that, I've been a bad blogger. But here are some super cute vids of the kids...




video

Shep was too cute that I had to catch this on video.

video

This one is little Beethoven, ;). And you can hear T.O. (that would be ONE of Shep's nicknames) in the background.

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